MISSION: ACCOMPLISHED
DATE: SEPTEMBER 21, 2006
PLACE: NARITA AIRPORT, TOKYO, JAPAN
I was hanging out in Santa Cruz, California chatting with my friend Kristen (my co-blogger over at Ethiopian Eats) about her impending move to Japan when I decided to pop out there and check out her new digs.
Contrary to popular opinion, last-minute flights are not always exorbitant – I flew San Jose to Tokyo (Narita) round-trip for $650USD, buying my ticket at the airport just prior to departure. My little sister lives in Tokyo, so the plan was to visit her for a week, then hop the Shinkansen (high-speed bullet train) down to Osaka to see Kristen for another week. I exchanged $100USD for yen at the San Jose Airport just in case (which turned out to be an excellent idea).
I took three years of Japanese in elementary school, but somehow they never covered how to order alcoholic drinks. (Tip: I later learned that Guinness is [effectively] “Guinness-oo beer-oo” — easy enough!)
Tokyo
Japan is hereby the easiest country ever to find a Guinness, as I found a beer stand selling (warm) Guinness right next to baggage claim. Goal accomplished.
But if you want to read about the rest of my adventure (which includes lots more Guinness), keep going.
How to Get Around Narita
There are basic English translations to navigate the (huge, clean, white) airport, but getting *from* the airport *to* your destination is another matter entirely. My sister told me which bus to take, so I just repeated the name to an official-looking woman behind a counter that appeared transportation-related, handed her money, and she handed me a ticket and pointed outside. I matched the number on my ticket to the number of a bus that pulled up, and off I went. If you don’t have such a sister, there is a subway train connected to the airport – find that, and use the map to find your approximate destination. If at all possible, figure this out before you leave for Japan.
(Not) Speaking English
Do not expect that the Japanese will speak English. In my two weeks there, I had to use my (very, very rudimentary) Japanese or my hands. I prefer it this way – no Japanese person comes to America and finds *any* translations, after all – but if you’ve never traveled outside the country before, I suggest getting your feet wet in Europe (where at least you can recognize the alphabet and match it phonetically) and then heading to Asia.
How to Turn American Dollars into Yen
A sidenote: many restaurants and shops take credit cards, but almost no ATM machine will work with your American debit card. You need to go to a post office ATM machine, which are only open during regular business hours.
Look for this sign to find a post office: 
How to Ride the Trains
You’ll need to get a (pre-paid) Suica card to ride the trains around Tokyo. They look like this:
To buy one, go to an automated ticketing machine (there are English translations) and buy one. You can add fare in denominations of 1,000 yen. (At some stations you can buy one from a human, but they probably won’t speak English. Say “Suica,” hand them some yen, and smile, and you might get one.) You’ll then wave your card at the turnstile to enter and leave the station. It will show you how much is left on the card when you swipe it, and you can add more at any automated machine.
Somehow, I messed this process up twice and had to jump over the turnstile because I couldn’t read the error message. Oops.
Sumo Wrestlers
On my second day I went to an all-day sumo wrestling match. Before attending, this sounded like the most boring thing in the entire world… but I actually had a really fun time. Each match is *so* short (like, one minute long) that it kept my attention. Plus, I could drink beer while I watched. Beer makes everything more interesting.
How (Not) to See Tokyo
Don’t pay for the Tokyo City View. You can’t really see much.
How to Defy Your Most Deeply-Held Beliefs All at Once
Prior to arriving in Japan I had been a vegan for well over a decade. How I was going to maintain a vegan diet once presented with a menu of incomprehensible squiggles was another matter entirely.
So, I took a deep breath and decided that, in the spirit of my adventuresome nature, I would simply point at an attractive squiggle and hope for the best.
Squiggle #1 was *drumroll* …. raw horse!
When I fall off the wagon, I fall off the wagon.
(Incidentally, raw horse tastes a lot like roast beef, one of the only meat memories I had from childhood.)
I honestly couldn’t recognize 90% of the things I ate for the remainder of my trip. Particularly the authentic Chinese food (not the take-out you get in America), which to my eyes (and stomach) was a bunch of small plates of chicken feet. It very well may have been.
Other Random Tokyo Highlights
* Strawberry crepes. OM NOM NOM. They’re available everywhere, and they’re delicious. I bet I ate 10 of them. (They usually sell them in carts on the street, and you can just point to the image of the one you want.)
* While Starbucks employees may not speak English, they have a full English menu on the counter, so you can point to your order. Convenient. (Shame me all you like for going to Starbucks in Tokyo, but it was right next to the place I was staying and I needed my caffeine.)
* My most enjoyable alcohol experience was at Whales of August (Udagawa-cho, Shibuya-ku, 28-13). It’s a very small, very dark martini bar where all the drinks are named after movies (i.e. Shawshank Redemption, Silence of the Lambs). The best part: the waiters are *serious* about their drink mixing. We kept ordering more drinks just to watch them shake them – it’s like they’re possessed by evil spirits. Awesome. Go there.
* Blood-Type Condoms
Osaka
I enjoyed Tokyo, but I really loved Osaka.
On my ride down to Osaka on the bullet train, I learned how to use the restroom (which are only holes in the floor) while wearing a skirt and moving at 130mph. I also decided I needed a new challenge since finding a Guinness had been ridiculously simple.
The new challenge: an egg salad sandwich.
Mission: Egg Salad
After checking in at the Ramada Hotel (“Ramada hotel-oo” – I’m beginning to think there’s some truth to the idea that I can just add “oo” on to the end of English words and make it around okay), I walked around the neighborhood and found a 7-11. Curious what a Japanese 7-11 was like (although I had never actually been to an American 7-11 to compare), I went in and was immediately in heaven – lots of onigiri (a stuffed rice ball – sort of a sushi Hot Pocket), inari, and mochi!
I should probably mention here that sushi rolls are not particularly popular or prevalent in Japan – at least nowhere I saw. The only rolls I came across were in Roppongi Hills in Tokyo, a tourist trap. Go figure.
They also have cups pre-filled with ice, so you just have to add your beverage. Clever.
On my way out of 7-11, I saw an egg salad sandwich in the fridge. Japan, you are just too easy.
Curry, Curry, Everywhere
Blowing my cultural stereotypes to smithereens, there are five curry places on every block and absolutely no sushi. Hrm.
This sucked because I really don’t like curry, and since all I could do was point at random squiggles, I ended up with pork, and I learned that I really dislike pork.
Deciding nothing could be worse than more pork curry, I went exploring and found the Best Thing Ever.
An Efficiency Consultant’s Wet Dream
A restaurant run via vending machine.
How it works: You go up to the vending machine, push the button(s) for the food you want (beer, too!), and insert enough coins to pay. It spits out a ticket. You hand the ticket to the cooks, who give you the food you ordered.
Why isn’t McDonald’s run like this?
It also meant I had a very filling meal of tofu udon with a large Sapporo for about 400 yen (about $4USD). Hard to beat that!
Osaka Castle
At one point I wandered to Osaka Castle (“Osaka-jo”). The castle itself didn’t interest me – I don’t care for military history – but the grounds were huge and gorgeous (I wanted so badly to curl up with a book and stretch out on the lawn), and there were CATS and you could PET THE CATS.
KITTEH!
Osaka and Alcohol
The most important part!
Pig & Whistle – Lots of Guinness, and lots of young Japanese girls hitting on much-older Western men. (UPDATE: Sadly, the Pig & Whistle closed in July of 2008. You missed it. You’ll never be able to go. What are you waiting for, again?)
(David & Me at Pig & Whistle)
The Blarneystone – Lots of Guinness, and lots of young Japanese girls hitting on much-older Western men.
Murphy’s – Lots of Guinness, and lots of young Japanese girls hitting on much-older Western men. (Noticing a pattern here? I did.) However, Murphy’s also had fun bartenders who really know their Irish dances. It was hard not to smile and clap along. My favorite.
Other Travels
The Japanese train system is extremely affordable and easy to navigate – I took day trips to Kyoto (where I visited the very pretty Higashi Honganji, a buddhist temple) and Sekigahara (where my sandal fell down a sewer grate and I had to trek back four hours with one shoe!). There are big, clear English translations of station names, and maps inside the train to figure out how many more stops until your stop. If you can handle Manhattan subways, you’ll have *no* problem in Japan.
(View from Sekigahara)
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